1.Q: What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?
A: With a cowculator.
2.Q: What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?
A: An udder failure.
3.Q: Why did the cow cross the road?
A: Because the chicken was on vacation.
4.Q: What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?
A: As far away as possible.
5.Q: What did the sardine call the submarine?
A: A can of people.
6.Q: What fish only swims at night?
A: A starfish.
7.Q: Why did the elephant leave the circus?
A: He was tired of working for peanuts.
8.Q: What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?
A: A woolen jumper!
9.Q: What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?
A: Glass flippers.
10.Q: Why was the mouse afraid of the water?
A: Catfish
11.Q: What happened when the lion ate the comedian?
A: He felt funny.
12.Q: How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?
A: A phew.
13.Q: Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?
A: He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
14.Q: How do you keep a skunk from smelling?
A: Plug its nose.
15.Q: What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?
A: A mouse on vacation.
16.Q: What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?
A: Sir.
17.Q: What’s black and white and red all over?
A: A blushing zebra.
18.Q: What is a cow’s favorite place?
A: The mooseum.
19.Q: What do fish take to stay healthy?
A: Vitamin sea.
20.Q: What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?
A: Decalfinated!
21.Q: What do you call a mad elephant?
A: An earthquake.
22.Q: What is a shark’s favorite sandwich?
A: Peanut butter and jellyfish.
23.Q: Where are sharks from?
A: Finland.
24.Q: What is King Arthur’s favorite fish?
A: A swordfish
25.Q: Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?
A: He made an illegal ewe turn.
26.Q: What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?
A: A coat of arms.
27.Q: What kind of dog always runs a fever?
A: A hot dog!
28.Q: What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?
A: Bison!
29.Q: What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.
A: A cow on a skateboard.
30.Q: Why don’t bears wear shoes?
A: What’s the use, they’d still have bear feet!
31.Q: What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?
A: A shampoodle!
32.Q: What does a calf become after it’s 1 year old?
A: 2 years old.
33.Q: How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?
A: There are footprints in the butter.
34.Q: Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?
A: Because his feet stink!
35.Q: What’s a dog’s favorite food for breakfast?
A: Pooched eggs.
36.Q: What do you give a pig with a rash?
A: Oinkment.
37.Q: What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?
A: Use a pen.
38.Q: What’s black and white, black and white, black and white and green?
A: Three skunks fighting over a pickle!
39.First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy!
40.Q: What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?
A: A computer mouse.
41.Q: What do you call a dog with a Rolex?
A: A watch dog.
42.Q: What pine has the longest needles?
A: A porcupine.
43.Q: What’s worse than a centipede with athlete’s foot?
A: A porcupine with split ends!
44.Q: Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
A: The chicken wasn’t around yet.
45.Q: What kind of cars do cats drive?
A: Catillacs!
46.Q: What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?
A: A buck.
47.Q: What’s a frog’s favorite drink?
A: Croak-a-cola.
48.Q: What’s an alligator’s favorite drink?
A: Gator-Ade.
49.Q: What do you call snake with no clothes on?
A: Snaked.
50.Q: What did the dog say to the flea?
A: Stop bugging me!
51.Q: Where do cows go on Saturday night?
A: To the mooooooovies.
52.Q: What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?
A: A try and try and try-ceratops!
53.Q: What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?
A: A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
54.Q: What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?
A: A kitten.
55.Q: Who makes dinosaur clothes?
A: A dino-sewer.
56.Q: What did the snail say when he got on the turtle’s shell?
A: Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
57.Q: Where do sheep get their hair cut?
A: At the baa-baa shop.
58.Q: Why can’t hippos ride bicycles?
A: Bike helmets don’t fit hippos!
59.Q: What’s a puppy’s favorite kind of pizza?
A: Pupperoni.
60.Q: What’s black and white and red all over?
A: A sunburnt zebra.
61.Q: What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?
A: The police had to comb the area.
62.Q: What do camels use to hide themselves?
A: Camelflauge!
63.Q: What do you call a messy hippo?
A: A hippopota-mess!
64.Q: What do you call a cow that twitches?
A: Beef jerky
65.Q: What did the porcupine say to the cactus?
A: Is that you mommy?
66.Q: What is a lion’s favorite state?
A: Maine
67.Q: Where do horses live?
A: In the neigh-borhood.
68.Q: Why are elephants wrinkled?
A: Because they don’t fit on a ironing board!
69.Q: What is a cat’s favorite breakfast?
A: Mice krispies
70.Q: What is a frog’s favorite year?
A: Leap Year
71.Q: What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?
A: A Dogwood!
72.Q: What is a pirate’s favorite’s fish?
A: A swordfish!
73.Q: What is a horse’s favorite sport?
A: Stable tennis!
74.Q: Why do pandas like old movies?
A: Because they are black and white.
75.Q: How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?
A: I don’t know. I didn’t think sheep could knit!
76.Q: What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?
A: A dino-sore!
77.Q: What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?
A: Squash!
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